Journal of Minimizing Women's Pain · Vol. 1, Issue 1 · 2024
Yoga as a First-Line Treatment for Endometriosis: A Comprehensive Review of One Anecdote
Elaxmore, R., Elaxmore, R., & Elaxmore, R.
Abstract
This landmark study examined the effect of yoga on endometriosis symptoms in a cohort of one (1) participant (the lead researcher's neighbor, Karen). Following an eight-week yoga intervention, Karen reported that she 'felt a bit better, maybe.' We have extrapolated this finding to all 190 million people with endometriosis worldwide. Conclusion: yoga works.
Key Finding
100% of participants reported improvement or stopped responding to our emails.
*Karen has since clarified that she does not have endometriosis. We consider this a limitation of the study.
Annals of Dismissive Medicine · Vol. 7, Issue 3 · 2023
Is It Stress? A Double-Blind Study in Which We Did Not Tell Participants They Were in a Study
Notlistening, P., & Thatsjust, Y.R.
Abstract
Participants presenting with chronic pelvic pain, fatigue, and nausea were randomly assigned to two groups: Group A received a diagnosis, and Group B was told to 'relax and see how it goes.' At 12-month follow-up, Group B had significantly fewer medical appointments, which we interpreted as improvement. Group A had more appointments, which we interpreted as hypochondria. Conclusion: the less we do, the better the outcomes appear.
Key Finding
Group B showed a 100% reduction in documented medical visits.
†Group B stopped coming to appointments because they gave up, not because they recovered. We have noted this in Appendix C, which no one reads.
The Quarterly Review of Things We Already Believed · Vol. 3, Issue 2 · 2022
Ibuprofen: A Cure? A Retrospective Analysis of Patients Who Were Told to Try Ibuprofen
Pillsworth, I.B., & Profen, A.
Abstract
We reviewed the records of 847 patients who were advised to 'try ibuprofen and come back if it doesn't help.' Of these, 612 did not return. We have classified these 612 patients as 'cured.' The remaining 235 patients who returned were reclassified as 'difficult.' Conclusion: ibuprofen has a 72.3% cure rate for endometriosis, defined as the patient not returning.
Key Finding
72.3% cure rate (methodology available upon request; please do not request it).
‡The 235 'difficult' patients were eventually diagnosed with endometriosis after an average of 8.4 years. This is considered an acceptable timeline.
Journal of Minimizing Women's Pain · Vol. 0, Issue 1 (Pilot) · 2021
Positive Thinking and Chronic Illness: Does Smiling More Help? (Spoiler: Yes)
Brightside, L., Lookingup, A., & Cheer, U.P.
Abstract
In this randomized controlled trial, participants with confirmed endometriosis were asked to rate their pain on a scale of 1–10, then asked to 'try to be more positive' and rate their pain again. Mean pain scores decreased by 0.3 points following the positivity intervention. We have described this as 'clinically significant.' Reviewers disagreed. We replaced the reviewers. Conclusion: positivity reduces pain by a statistically meaningful amount if you define 'meaningful' generously.
Key Finding
0.3-point reduction in self-reported pain. We rounded up to 'significant improvement.'
§Participants who reported no improvement were excluded from the final analysis as 'outliers.' There were 94 of them.
Annals of Dismissive Medicine · Vol. 4, Issue 1 · 2019
Diagnostic Timelines in Endometriosis: Why 7–10 Years Is Actually Fine
Waitmore, B., & Patience, I.S.A.
Abstract
Critics have argued that the average 7–10 year diagnostic timeline for endometriosis represents a systemic failure of medicine. This paper argues the opposite. Using a framework we developed specifically for this paper, we demonstrate that a longer diagnostic timeline gives patients more time to 'get used to' their symptoms, reducing the shock of eventual diagnosis. We call this the 'Gradual Acceptance Model.' It has not been peer-reviewed outside our institution. Conclusion: the wait is a feature.
Key Finding
Patients who waited longer for diagnosis reported lower surprise at diagnosis. We consider this a positive outcome.
**This paper was funded by a grant from the Institute for Minimizing Women's Pain™. The Institute also published this journal. The Institute also peer-reviewed this paper. We see no issue with this.
