Clinical Recommendations
Tips & Wellness
Evidence-based solutions for your probably-not-that-serious symptoms.
Approved by the Institute for Minimizing Women's Pain™ Wellness Division
Our Top Recommendation
Have you tried yoga?
After extensive research (one afternoon), our team of wellness experts has concluded that yoga is the single most effective treatment for endometriosis currently available. Patients who practiced yoga reported feeling calmer about their pain, which is essentially the same as not having pain. We consider this case closed.
— Dr. R. Elaxmore, Institute for Minimizing Women's Pain™, Wellness Division, 2024
Physical Wellness
Yoga (Obviously)
We cannot stress this enough. Yoga. Have you tried it? Studies* show that 100% of patients who tried yoga either felt better or stopped talking about their pain, which amounts to the same thing.
*Study conducted by asking one yoga instructor if yoga was good. She said yes.
Light Exercise
When experiencing severe pelvic pain, nausea, and fatigue, the Institute recommends a brisk 5-mile jog. Fresh air is nature's laparoscopy.
†Disclaimer: The Institute is not responsible for any outcomes resulting from jogging while in agony.
Heating Pads: Basically Surgery
A $12 heating pad from the drugstore offers 94% of the benefits of a complex laparoscopic excision procedure, at a fraction of the cost. The remaining 6% is probably just anxiety.
‡This statistic was generated by not consulting any surgeons.
Stretching
Have you tried stretching? Not yoga — just regular stretching. If yoga doesn't work, it's possible you weren't stretching enough before the yoga.
§Pre-yoga stretching is a proprietary Institute recommendation and may be patented.
Mental & Emotional Wellness
A Positive Mindset
Research confirms that patients who maintained a positive attitude about their chronic illness reported higher satisfaction scores on our survey, which asked only 'Are you positive?' Correlation is causation.
*Survey conducted via Instagram poll. N=47. Margin of error: ±100%.
Gratitude Journaling
Each morning, write down three things you are grateful for. We suggest: (1) ibuprofen exists, (2) heating pads exist, (3) yoga exists. This has been shown to reduce perceived pain by up to 0%.
†Journaling supplies not included. The Institute is not responsible for journals thrown across the room.
Mindfulness Meditation
By focusing intently on the present moment, you can observe your pain with detached curiosity rather than distress. Experts call this 'being mindful of your pain.' We call it 'free healthcare.'
‡Mindfulness is not covered by insurance because it is free. This is a feature, not a bug.
Stop Googling Your Symptoms
The internet is full of misinformation, such as the claim that endometriosis is a serious illness. We recommend closing all browser tabs and trusting that everything is fine.
§Except this website, which is fully accredited and definitely real.
Dietary & Lifestyle
Have You Tried Cutting Out Gluten?
While there is no clinical evidence that a gluten-free diet treats endometriosis, there is also no evidence that it doesn't. We consider this a tie, and recommend eliminating gluten immediately.
*The Institute has a financial interest in the gluten-free cracker market. This is unrelated.
Drink More Water
Hydration is important for all humans. We have included it here because it fills space and sounds medical. Please drink water. This is our most evidence-based recommendation.
†Water: the one tip on this page that is actually good advice.
Essential Oils
Lavender, peppermint, and frankincense have been used for thousands of years, which means they are either very effective or very persistent. The Institute endorses persistence.
‡Do not ingest essential oils. This is the only unambiguous medical advice on this website.
Reduce Stress
Have you considered that your endometriosis might be stress? Simply reduce your stress and your symptoms should improve. To reduce stress, stop worrying about your endometriosis. Problem solved.
§The Institute acknowledges this tip is circular. We stand by it.